Ow! I forgot to give a self congratulary post for going to EXO concert! Even it's been months since the last post hehehe
Not so many things happened in the last 5 months. I've achieved one of my dreams, yes, that was seeing EXO with my own eyes. But im not here to tell you about it hm.
So, there is a friend who is kinda a close one, but not really, you know? And there was a circumstance that brought us to a sweet brunch on someday sunny and bright.
She told me story about her longlast friend since highschool, who has changed. Since the friend found new circle of peer, she felt that this friend's demeanor had changed. And she was confused, and wondering that, what if all of this time she befriend her, this friend didnt show her true self?
Hm, we dont know how deep is a person's thought, do we?
But later at late night, my mind brought me to a question.
Aren't you also a dishonest person?
Dont you pretending to be happy and smiling while keep up with the pace of others?
It slapped me internally. Because, yes, im a two face.
I do pretend to be okay with what others do. Im not a social person. Im not a kind of person who always wants to hang out everynight, surrounded with hundreds of people.
Even doing a nights out with my closest peer sometimes felt difficult.
But i should do it, right? Because im a human with a heart and common sense, because life aint going with me only. And because we meet with many people, dont we also need many faces for them? Because, if we being egoistical heartless human, hm it's not nice.
I dont celebrate things. I dont celebrate my self for getting a good grades. I dont celebrate birthdays, mine included. I dont know why but i have no urge feeling to do it, to do those things others do.
Like, okay, congratulations. Then be it. Final.
So what i want to say is,
Is this a kind of ilness? If i may add that, im afraid sadness will come to me if i am being too happy, am i sick?
This is really scaring me.. This thought keep bugging me wherever i go, until i found the answer, or,
maybe, until i found my true self?
